I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
