i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
