She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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