dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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