omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
