This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
