i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
