this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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