the condom got lost in my hair
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
