escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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