I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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