I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize