Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
