She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize