it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
