I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
