No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
