i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
