he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize