I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
