I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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