i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize