I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
