please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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