the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize