Do you still have your period?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
