I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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