just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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