There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
