Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
