You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
