a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize