if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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