So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
