Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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