Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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