i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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