The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
