It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
