do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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