One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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