He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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