I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
