the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
