I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sext me about skeletons
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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