a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
