i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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