wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My pussy is not your playground.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
