Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
