her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
