I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
