I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize