I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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