and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
