I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
