K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
