No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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