Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
