Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
