Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
