A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
