How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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