you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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