Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
