It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
