What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
