i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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