Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize