Swine flu. Run for my life!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
