we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
