He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I forget how to act sober
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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