i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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