I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
