You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
