I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
