Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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