WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
