she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
