I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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