literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
