you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
