This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
