I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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