why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
