were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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