You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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