K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
