I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
