we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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