I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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