I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
