He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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