Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You don't make any sense
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