they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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