My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
