I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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