I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
