I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
