he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
