OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to make a zoo with you.
it was like eating out sand paper
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I party with great urgency now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
