i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
