I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
