You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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