I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
