So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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